Forgiveness the greatest form of humility or stupidity?

I think that we can all agree that trying to forgive someone who has hurt you or harmed you in some way can be supremely difficult.

Whilst some would claim that these offenders don't deserve your forgiveness others would suggest you forgive them for your own peace of mind.

So which camp do you sit in? Do you take the moral high ground and offer your guarded forgiveness or do you hold what they did forever in your mind and exit them from your life?

I have to say that for me, this is a question of which I am torn on the answer. As a self-confessed "nice person" putting the needs/feelings of others always ahead of my own, I would try to dig deep in my heart as well as within my moral compass to forgive people and accept their seemingly genuine apology.

Sometimes, I will say, I have found this extremely difficult as being profoundly hurt by somebody does not just "go away" if you forgive them. For me, the offenders can seem to come off better in these situations and they can foolishly believe that because forgiveness has been forthcoming, all is forgotten. Yes, not ****ing quite!!

Recently somebody turned to me and said "The level of respect you give to others should not be at the cost of the respect you receive in return". This really resonated with me and is something that has definitely stayed with me and which I now genuinely utilise daily.

I believe that forgiving somebody who has deeply hurt you, can offer you a chance to let that go, move on and gain a sense of peace from it. However, should that person still get the opportunity to make you feel the way they did previously or should they, quite frankly, "hit the road Jack?".

If you deeply care for somebody then I am of the mindset that it is right to offer them a chance to redeem themselves and make this up to you. However, they do as I previously noted, need to recognise the gravity of the situation and behave accordingly to resolve said situation and fully gain forgiveness. It is not simply a case of "your forgiven" and then similarly to the World Wars in Germany, it is erased from time!

In my opinion they should continue to restore your faith in them for as long as it takes for you to truly believe that they are sorry and also for you to comfortably be able to trust them again. Those that are not willing to do so, for me, show a level of immaturity no adult should have and although they make you feel like a fool for forgiving them, they do teach you a valuable lesson. As all things we are faced with in life do.

There are of course some things that are simply unforgiveable and no matter how hard you try you simply cannot look past these, no matter how much of a lovely person you are, sometimes you simply have to say no! What I have learnt, the hard way, is that you very much have to protect yourself at all costs. Whether people agree with your choices or they don't, whether you want to give that person the benefit of the doubt or not, sometimes it is simply not possible and/or worth it.

I don't know about you and I guess this may say a lot about me as a person but when somebody has hurt me, I feel foolish and angry with myself that I have let it happen. This can sometimes be one of the hardest parts of healing-realising that none of what happened, was your fault. This happened TO you not BECAUSE of you. Also that people make choices, "they know not what they do" won't really wash post biblically! People who hurt you in whatever way know that they are doing, the actions that they take are chosen by them.

I do also feel that people become so self-assured, because you are a nice person that you will undoubtedly forgive them, well let me tell you this...in my experience, if I do not think that you deserve to be in my life, no matter how difficult I find that decision, you simply won't be!

What I will also say for us "forgivers" out there is granting somebody forgiveness for gravely hurting you takes some of the deepest strength ever. It sometimes goes against everything that you believe in but you make that decision to do it anyway. Knowing that they very well may just revert to old habits and hurt you all over again. That! Takes courage and undeniable strength.

So embrace your decisions and make them for you. Don't do it because it is what people would expect of you, do not let people almost shame you into having to do this. If you feel it is right, for your own peace and sense of self, no matter how hard you may find it, then liberate yourself from the hurt, embarrassment, torture, narcissism, coerciveness, abuse!

So is it humility or stupidity? For me, if you have been true to your own self then it is always with the greatest sense of humility and if you haven't then it is sheer stupidity. #Discuss