I'm a Survivor....

Cue some Destiny's Child....

You preyed on me because you sensed my emotional vulnerability. You manipulated me by being so attentive and lovely....in the beginning. You also saw that I could stand on my own, had a good job, nice place to live and could support myself and you thought, let me tear this person's world apart....just for shits and giggles.

Soon it was 'you are not wearing that are you', 'why do you have a problem with me turning my phone off and not coming home all night' and my favourites 'you are over thinking things' 'I really think its you that has a problem, I think you have issues'

I continually asked myself, is this my fault? Do I deserve this? Is it something that I did?

Was it my fault? The night I had been out with the girls. I came home having had a great night, a night when I continually let you know where I was and checked in with you. You spoke no actual words to me, you just punched me in the face.

Was it my fault? On a night out with friends when you just gave me the silent treatment for no reason, in front of our friends. Leaving them unsure what was occurring and me feeling ashamed and also confused about what I had done. Incredibly feeling bad, guilty and openly apologising for something I had not done. That level of manipulation is fucking comendable I will give you that.

Was it my fault? On that trip that we took, staying in a remote place, where nobody else was around...when you kicked and hit me, knowing full well I was completely alone. That must have felt like such a cunning plan to you.

Was it my fault? In the festive period after a lovely evening with friends, a very joyous occasion, that you locked me in a room, wrestled me to the floor, stamped on my chest multiple times crushing my ribs?

Remember you begging me to attend pre-arranged events to save face, the audaciousness of you! But such a fool that I was by then that I did just that.

Remember the beginning of the end though? Because I most certainly do!! I felt validated finally, somebody actually knew what was happening to me and they were very clear that this was not ok! This was the night I called the Police, I literally had nothing left physically and knew I needed to get out of there. Remember how scared you were of the Police? You certainly sang a different tune in front of them and they were disgusted by you.

I am sorry to say that you reduced me to having little to zero self worth, this angers me so much that I let you do this but quite honestly I was blindsided with the abuse. But that's the pattern right? You draw them in, give a false sense of security, ask for sacrifices to be made because you love us then BAM... now I can just openly abuse you.

It took me a while to get my shit together to get the fuck out of this situation but what I am very proud to say is that I did. You left me battered emotionally and mentally, broken physically and financially, almost ruined. Thank you for giving me all of these things!

But I'm here to say to you FUCK YOU, I'M A SURVIVOR!! Didn't happen overnight by any stretch and there are still underlying scars mentally but I refuse to give you any further power and everything I do/achieve is in spite of what you did to me.

I AM A SURVIVOR!!

Very often we give all that we are to somebody because that's how we are as people. They take as much as they can from us, they let us give them our all, they use us and then in the very basic sense, abuse us.

The saddest thing about being a victim of abuse is that you openly feel like it's your fault, you question your own motives and methods, your sense of self. The power that they can have over you is completely terrifying but it is happening everyday and is in no way gender specific. The first time you try to fight back but you quickly realise that they are bigger and stronger than you, that you don't stand a chance. By the last time you have almost lost the will and you just take it like it's normality. It takes a vast amount of courage and strength to say enough is enough.

To take those steps to getting out of there are terrifying and you second guess yourself a million times. In the end however, you find inner strength from your very core and you fight for your life.

But it saddens me to say that although I was able to find that inner, core strength, this is not the case for everyone.......

On average 2 women are murdered each week and 30 men per year.